Wednesday, October 10, 2007

How I felt

This story was taken from a miscarriage book I borrowed from a wonderful group of ladies. I could not believe how much it hit home to how I truly felt during my losses and after.

She existed for 10 short weeks. I carried her within me for 6 before we even knew. But she was here and we felt her presence.

Her conception was unplanned-a overwhelming and wonderful surprise. Another child, another cry to answer, another reason to be needed, another renewal of our hopes and dreams. Another life, with so much potential. Potential never realized, for we shall never know what she could have, should have, become.

The end came suddenly, mysteriously, and mercifully fast. It came without reason…without anything concrete we can accept or understand. But she was here, and now there’s a vacant place. A place in our lives that will always be empty because it was meant to be her place. We never saw her tiny heart beat or felt her little kick feet. We never watched her movements through a growing belly or heard her joyous first sounds of her birth…but we felt her presence.

So please don’t deny us our grief. Don’t try to be kind by reminding us of our bright, fertile future, or the wonderful children with whom we’ve already been blessed. We know we’re fortunate. Please do not gently suggest that “it’s for the best” and please, please don’t try to convince us that it wasn’t meant to be”. A meaningful life was created. Here, by God’s intention. Meant to be cherished, and meant to be loved…be it for weeks, months or a human life-time. Yes, we did feel her presence. And as surely as life goes on, she was meant to be.

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