Universe...we have a heartbeat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank the almighty Lord above!!!!!! I am so praying this is our sticky baby we've been waiting what seems like forever for.

So, I decided to delete my blog link off myspace and share this journey with whomever shall find it. SO please, if this is someone reading who knows me well, respect our wishes to keep this secret still. We are still scared to death and I want to tell someone when we feel comfortable that this will be successful. Umm...when the baby is born? Maybe!!

Thursday 1/10/08 was our appointment. We were scared to death and of course it took them a long time to bring us into the ultrasound room. There were two other women in there cause it was a new machine so they were showing the tech how to fix things, etc. Which was so beyond frustrating cause it was so hard to be patient. Curt could see the screen from where he sat and I could see him watching it intently w/ a small grin. SO I said "stop looking and trying to analyze what you think you see". I didn't want him to think he saw something good and turn out it wasn't. SO then the tech, turns the screen towards us and says "sorry, you guys can look. Here's the heartbeat and that's the baby", well she couldn't even finish it cause I just said "there's a heartbeat!?!?!" and I started bawling. She was surprised and said "you guys haven't got this far before?" and we explained our short version of our story. SO then it was a emotional, but funny moment cause of all the people and they all seemed excited and happy and I'm still holding back tears and stretching my head as far as it can go just to stare at my little baby's heartbeat. I kept fighting back tears of joy. The beat was strong and everything looked good. She said I had a small implantation bleed I may pass so not to freak automatically if I start bleeding or spotting. Then we met w/ the doctor and she sent us back to my regular OBGYN. I think I'll be considered high risk till 12 weeks then hopefully I'll have a normal pregnancy. I am still on the progesterone suppositories twice a day and my injections of lovenox once/day. I may be on those until the third trimester. SO hopefully I can perfect them to minimize my bruising so I can get at least one decent belly shot since I have to give the shot in my belly. Whatever it takes though.

On a less happy note, we found out I am a carrier of the fragile X syndrome. I am not affected by it, but I carry it. This is a big concern for us cause it gets worst w/ each generation, so if I should pass it on as "active" per say to the baby and he/she is affected his/her children may be worst than my child is. But all we can do is one day at a time w/ this. Curt and I aren't sure we want to look too far into what it entails cause what can we do about it now. We'd just feel guilty for our grandchildren and so what should we have a child affected by fragile X. We'd love him/heras much as Laila and that's that. I do not want to do any fetal testing that doesn't involve taking urine or blood form me. I was against that w/ Laila and after our hard road I sure as hell am not going to go poking around at the poor baby or his/her environment. And the doctor gave us the option to terminate should it have fragile X and I about lost it. That is not an option for me for ANY reason at all and certainly not something as workable as fragile X is. This is our miracle baby for sure. God really wanted it to be with us, whatever His reason may be and we're keeping it, ugly, sassy or fragile X affected ;-)

So thank you God for this opportunity. PLease keep this baby gorwing healthy and strong!!